"Okay". I've never heard that word said so sadly as I did on January 24th.
The night before a foster care worker had brought us a sweet baby girl. She was 5 1/2 months old at the time, and so very beautiful.
On January 24th our case worker came and so did a DFCS worker with our new little guy who is 2 1/2. He was fairly shy, but quickly warmed up to my daughter and I as we sat on the floor with him and played with some toys. Jimmy came home from work a few minutes later and walked in with a couple trucks for him. He loved that. He was becoming more comfortable, and even sat in my lap, but in his mind he was just visiting.
He had no idea he was starting over again. You see, we are his 3rd foster home. His 3rd new family since he was 13 months old. I can't even wrap my mind around that and what must go through his mind. Does he think this is normal? No wonder he calls everyone woman mommy and every man daddy.
After all the paperwork was done his caseworker that he knew started the process of leaving. She went to the door and asked him to come tell her goodbye. He quickly went to the door and said, "I want to go home". She knelt down and hugged him and told him that this was going to be his new home. He looked down and in the saddest voice I've ever heard said, "Okay". He'd resigned himself to starting over again. How is this your normal at 2 1/2?
That's all it took for us to want to protect him from every future hurt. He's the most amazing little guy. He has the brightest smile, the funniest laugh, the biggest eyes, and the sweetest heart. Of course he's 2, so he also has the drama, fall on the floor, let's have a fit when I don't get my way.
I don't know how long we'll get to love him. While we have him we'll try to love him well. I don't know through all his changes he's learned to love so well. Bedtime (for the most part) is such a sweet time. He adds our name to whatever he says. "Goodnight Daddy", "I yuv you, Mommy".
The name of this blog is, "It's Not About Us". This is what I'm talking about. It's about him. It's about all of them, the approximate 8,000 children in foster care, just in Georgia, at any one time. He may go home, that's not for us to decide. If he does, he'll be worth our heartbreak. He's had enough heartbreak in his short little life. He's why we do what we do.
"I am not afraid to grieve. I am afraid of what would happen to these children if no one took the risk to love them." -author unknown