We finally got our letter. We were approved! I felt like the phone would ring any minute. All through our training we were updated on how many children our private agency had to turn away due to nowhere to place them. But the phone didn't ring for almost a week. The placement has to be right for our available space.
There was so much anticipation. I was excited. Then I felt guilty. I felt like I shouldn't be excited because it was like wishing for disruption in a child's life. Many people have told me that was silly, bad things are going to happen anyway, but I still felt that way.
Late one night the phone rang. Caller ID is a wonderful thing. Butterflies. It was a caseworker wondering if we wanted to take a placement. We got as much history as the caseworker had and said.... no. The situation was so far above what we felt that we could handle, especially our first placement, especially with our own children in the house.
I couldn't believe the call finally came and we said no. Huge disappointment. Huge guilt. I still wonder where she ended up. Hoping she is getting help. Hoping she is loved.
Then we were back to waiting for the phone to ring...